Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Baby Ready?!

Baby D will be here in a matter of days, and I have been slacking a bit on normal blog activities to prepare for her arrival. While all the books and websites tell you to relax, get plenty of rest, and enjoy these last moments until your newborn arrives, I am lucky to have friends who really help put things in realistic perspective for me. I was passed along the article You're So Not Almost Ready For A Baby, Even If You Think You Are by Tracy Moore as a guide to what I should be doing these last couple of days. Be sure to check out the excerpt below, and the full article here

not Baby D, and I am praying she doesn't look like this too often!

I ... would come with the following drills/regimen for the entire year prior to conception...:
  • Practice wrestling a large, slippery fish three times a week.
  • Wake up every two hours at night, punch yourself in the face, walk around for 28 minutes pleading in jibberish. Go back to "sleep." Repeat.
  • Socialize with friends in 18-second increments.
  • Practice asking for the check, boxing up your food and exiting a restaurant in under sixty seconds — two bites into the meal.
  • Watch 38% of any film or television show; never see the ending or resolution.
  • Read the same three paragraphs of a novel once every two weeks; fall asleep.
  • Shower every three to five days, but only for two minutes.
  • Hire a makeup artist to make you up to look 10 years older. Look at yourself in the mirror, then laugh, cry, laugh, cry, laugh, cry. Do not go get a drink.
  • Pack two additional bags of random stuff to carry with you every time you leave the house.
  • Stand around a tennis court and catch fly balls with one hand for two hours a day while also preparing a peanut butter sandwich.
  • Practice wrestling aforementioned large, slippery fish, then dress it in seasonally appropriate outfit, including hat and/or jacket. Then go back, remove all clothing, and apply sunscreen. Re-dress fish.
  • Memorize The Cat in the Hat, then repeat every evening between 7 p.m. and 8 p.m.
  • Make 24 hours of baby-crying audio; hit play the moment you take a phone call, fire up your computer, or begin speaking any sentences to another human that contain important or useful information.
  • Imagine a mental written list of your responsibilities for each day, tear it in half, burn one piece, take a (literal) [poop] on the other one.  
So basically, we are in for the shock of our lives. If I disappear for two weeks (or more) you'll know that I have not mastered the above tasks/daily care for Baby D. Do you have any good last minute tips for this momma to be?  


  1. Hahah! Loved this post. So excited for you!!

  2. Loved this!!! Congrats on your soon to be here little one! Your nursery is super cute too =)

  3. Congrats Natalie! Can't wait to see a picture of the baby! Are you keeping the name a secret or are you just going to decide once you see her? My advice - I got a manicure and pedicure the day I went in (I was induced so I knew what day was the actual due date). You could still do it this week and just get shellac or something to make sure it lasts :) It was relaxing and felt so good on my achy feet! Plus my fingernails looked oh-so-nice in the pictures holding the little baby at the hospital. Ha! I also sat down at my computer and paid all bills, returned all emails, etc. that I knew I wouldn't get to after the baby was born. Charge up camera batteries and gets some cute comfy pjs and maxi dresses to lounge around the house in! I had an emergency c-section in the end, and any pants at all (even lounge pants/yoga pants, etc. were not an option because any sort of waistband was painful!). Don't forget to send a blanky with the baby's smell on it home to Maybe, to get him used to the little kiddo before she comes home to rule the household! xoxo

  4. How are you feeling lady? Two weeks to go for us! We should have a "play" date with our lady beans after they arrive! :)

  5. This post is hilarious. Ha! I'm not due til September and am already feeling it... all the stuff I have to do! xx